Protect the Flame

Turn Toward Each Other

Instead of Away

   “couples who engage in lots of interaction tend to remain happy. What’s really occurring in these brief exchanges is that the husband and wife are connecting—they are attuning by turning toward each other. Couples who do so are building mutual trust. Those who don’t are likely to lose their way.” Gottman

When we don’t spend time with those who we love it is hard to keep that love or flame alive and burning bright. It is like a water heater. If we keep the pilot light on all winter, then that relationship will stay warm and happy!

Although it can be difficult to keep a flame alive in harsh winds, it is possible! We just need to be sure that we guard it, keep it safe, and hold it close and dear to our heart.

Some ways we can stay connected to our spouse, or keep that flame alive are;

-Continue speaking the same unspoken language, a couple’s language is when you know the things your partner would find hurtful and never say them. Or understanding when your partner us upset even if they say they are fine.

-They spend time together, spending time together is one of the greatest ways we can understand our partner and over all flame brighter.

-Enjoy each other, but enjoy time by yourself too. If you are too dependent on your partner you have a more difficult time being happy without them. If you can be happy by yourself your relationship will be more two-way!

Finally, the Four Pillars of Shared Meaning;

through these pillars, couples can enrich their relationships and family life.

The first pillar; RITUALS OF CONNECTION

Rituals are a structured event that you all enjoy and depend on and that both reflects and reinforces your sense of togetherness. Through these rituals, we can find a special connection

The second pillar; SUPPORT FOR EACH OTHER’S ROLES

To me this is pretty self-explanatory, but basically it just means that as partners you support each other always! In my own marriage I have recognized this and support my husband all the time! When I disagree or have a different idea I do my best to share it with him in private in a loving and personal way.

The third pillar; SHARED GOALS

Like the second pillar this one is fairly obvious to me. It is important to share goals and work towards them together.

The fourth pillar; SHARED VALUES AND SYMBOLS

Luckily my husband and I both belong to the same church, because this provides us with the easiest way to have the same values and even symbols. This can be done in many different ways, through routines, favorite traditions, etc.