LOVE

When my husband and I were newlyweds, we lived in Washington. I got and started a job in a city 40 minutes away from our home. I was new to the area and it often took me longer because I was unaware of the streets and signals coming up. This is the first time commuting and spending so much time traveling and finding my way through new lands.

Move in Day! 

I was excited to be out and about each day doing something fun and new! At first Google Maps was my one and only hope of getting to where I needed to, I took every exit, turn, and plan it gave to me in order to get to where I need to be. I took the same route and listened to Siri tell me how to get there every day, because I was nervous I would be late for work or get lost.

However eventually I became more familiar with that route. I learned the street system and more about the area. I was able to explore the neighborhood. I could tell where I was in relation to where I was and where I needed to be and was able to find my way almost anywhere. I had no more use to use google maps! I had this wonderful map of the city in my mind! My map was expanding as I had more details of the town and it continued to grow the more I traveled. The more I knew where I was and where things were, I enjoyed the city and the area more and more!

What is a Love Map?

Thinking about Gottman and his “Love Maps” reminded me of the map I had created in Yakima!

When you start a new relationship and there is so much to discover about the person! Everything about them seems amazing and new and exciting. This is partly because they are new and there is an empty atlas in front of them that they want to fill! It can also be scary, like my time in Yakima going only through the google maps route. But it is exciting to learn new things and be able to go more places!

There will always be more to discover about each other. Having a detailed “Love Map” is about growing in your understanding of the person you married. Instead of taking your familiarity for granted, you strive to keep up with the ever-changing landscape of his/her inner world.

Gottman shares; “The Seven Principles of Marriage Work:”

Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. I call this having a richly detailed love map – my term for that part of the brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life. Another way of saying this is that these couples have made plenty of cognitive room for their marriage. They remember the major events in each other’s history, and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their spouse’s world change.

How familiar do you think you are with your spouse’s inner thought life? How familiar do you think they are with yours?

I found this on a website, the mini love map game to help better understand the love map!