“Hey Now, Hey Now, This Is What Dreams Are Made of”

-Lizzie McGuire-

When people get married and begin the creation of a new family they each come into that marriage with their own set of dreams. Some of the dreams probably overlap but there may be a number of dreams that are not shared between the couple. 

These unshared dreams and “irreconcilable differences” can result in what Dr. John Gottman refers to as gridlock. He says, “When partners can’t find a way to accommodate perpetual disagreements, the result is gridlock.”

To get out of gridlock, each member in the relationship must understand that no matter what the problem is, gridlock means that each of you have dreams that the other doesn’t know about or simply doesn’t care about.

My husband and I were in gridlock for a minute, he had always wanted to have a motorcycle. I NEVER wanted to have a motorcycle, EVER!!! For weeks I ignored his dreamed and even tried to shut it down. Recognizing that this was hurting our relationship through many different aspects, we had a calm discussion. We both shared our thoughts, feelings, concerns, and dreams.

Together we decided that we are at a time in our life where we could afford and even benefit from having a motorcycle. So we got one! After that we are much happier and better at working together and sharing our desires and needs. (And I even started to learn how to ride it!)

Whatever your dreams are made of, respect others’ dreams, compromise in making your own dreams reality. Above all love your partner and appreciate their own and your own expectations.

After all;

“Couples who are demanding of their marriage are more likely to have deeply satisfying unions than those who lower their expectations.”

John R. Gottman.

  

Inspiration for my post title this week. This was my favorite song for a long time! I made countless music videos and dance routines to it, but none were as good as the original!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-s7ol38Ifs